What the new church is saying!

Next weekend’s Fasting and Prayer Conference at the Trade Winds includes meals.
Sunday morning sermon: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water’. Sunday evening sermon: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at those who are hard to love. Say “Hell” to those who doesn’t care much about our society.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let my Church help.
Mrs Teleni sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the male congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Those that were married recently in the new church feel free to sperate. So ends friendships that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to find out.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of new members and the departure of the many that are not satisfied.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children and send them back on the streets.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want to go to Hell.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Lovo Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and siesta with partners to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their belongings for the dress up and good play next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm for more enhancement.
The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: We want ownership of this nation – Up yours!